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Grief and Loss

In her 2005 memoir “The Year of Magical Thinking,” recounting both joyful and painful memories of love and loss in her family, the writer and author Joan Didion counsels readers that “grief when it comes, is nothing we expect it to be.” We ask ourselves what is “normal” for us to feel when faced with…

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Helping Children Grieve: Expressing Emotions, Affirming the Universal

June 14, 2010

It is a Tuesday evening in January, 2010. The room is abuzz with the energy of 12 children, ages 7-9, who show up in this large room most weeks from 6-8 pm to play and talk and have a snack. These children have something in common that does not meet the eye. Their young lives…

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What to do When Your Friends are Getting a Divorce (Part 3)

May 17, 2010

In parts one and two, we touched on some ways for Ann to explore and cope with her experience of Mary and Andy’s divorce. This last part will look at the possible impact on Ann’s relationship with her own husband, since one of her worries was that this might happen to her and Jim. STAY…

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What to do When Your Friends are Getting a Divorce (Part 2)

May 10, 2010

In Part 1, we noted some of the feelings which Ann might experience as she copes with the news that her friends, Mary and Andy are in the process of divorcing. In the second of our three articles, we will look at some of the issues which might come up for Ann as she experiences…

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What to do When Your Friends are Getting a Divorce (Part 1)

Jim and Ann are a couple in their 30’s with 3 small children. They have been part of a group of friends since college. Their social life, both individually and together has revolved around this close circle of married friends with whom they have shared support, childcare, and many important life events. Recently, Ann received…

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Tuning Our Instruments

April 12, 2010

“We’re just not compatible anymore” is a phrase often heard in counseling sessions. And often, as the dialogue deepens, the one speaking may come to a realization that even when and if they were compatible with their partner, that in itself may not be enough to sustain the relationship. A skilled listener though, may encourage…

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Do Antidepressants Work?

March 15, 2010

There’s been a lot of buzz in the media recently following an article printed in the January issue of JAMA (Journal of the American Medical Association) showing that antidepressants are no better than placebo (a sugar pill) in alleviating symptoms of mild and moderate depression. The study suggests that antidepressant only work when depression is…

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The Physical Toll of Anger: Keeping Our Hearts in Mind

March 8, 2010

“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned”. ~Buddha We all have good reasons to feel angry sometimes, and many of us are very skilled at justifying our angry feelings. Regardless of why we get angry, whether…

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Firebirds and Feathers: Boys Becoming Men

October 26, 2009

A few years ago I was working with a young college athlete, who was in the midst of deciding whether or not to continue with Track & Field, with “Athletics,” as the Europeans would say. Coincidentally, I had just participated in a workshop given by the storyteller, Michael Meade, a week or so before I…

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Parenting the Gifted Performer

May 4, 2009

When an archer is shooting for nothing, he has all his skill. If he shoots for a brass buckle, he is already nervous. If he shoots for a prize of gold, he goes blind or sees two targets — He is out of his mind! This bit of sports psychology – penned several thousand years…

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Your Loved One is on Psychiatric Medication. Now What?

February 2, 2009

Your partner has been diagnosed with depression and/or anxiety and the doctor has prescribed medication. What does this mean? First, it means that your partner’s symptoms are interfering with his or her quality of life and/or functioning level. You probably already knew that. Second, it means that now, more than ever, your patience and understanding…

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Tips for Parents of Children with Epilepsy

January 12, 2009

Sometimes it seems as if there are only two types of parents with young children: parents who have a child with epilepsy, and parents who worry that their child will someday develop a seizure disorder. And now with the recent tragic death of John Travolta’s teenage son, Jett, in an apparent seizure related incident, epilepsy…

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“Conversation Hearts” for Valentine’s Day and Everyday

February 12, 2007

NECCO began putting funny little sayings on chalky-tasting candy hearts back in the 1800’s. Maybe you remember them from grade school. Old classics like “Be Mine” and “Truly Yours”. Racy ones (to a 2nd grader!) like “Kiss Me.” Recent additions for the modern age such as “E-Mail Me” and “Be My Icon.” At Council for…

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A Dating Guide (For the Married Couple)

January 29, 2007

This is not a guide to help you find suitable people to date, nor is it a guide to the hottest new spots in town. This is a recommendation for all committed couples to find a way to set aside time every week for each other and do something as a couple, in other words,…

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Bipolar Disorder: Dispelling the Fears

December 18, 2006

During a recent conversation with colleagues we were struck by the way in which we have begun to think about those clients who are very sensitive to their environments as having a place on the continuum of bipolar disorder. Bipolar Disorder has an underlying chemical and behavioral footprint that helps us make better sense of…

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Understanding Disasters

As the world struggles to understand the recent Tsunami disaster, and reach out to the victims and survivors, many tough questions are being asked. As therapists and researchers, we are often seen as “experts” at times such as these and find ourselves faced with the task of explaining the unexplainable and shedding some light on…

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Maintaining a Healthy Relationships While Raising Children

December 13, 2004

Raising children is one of the most rewarding and challenging undertakings a couple takes on. It is certainly not easy to raise children today (I’m not sure if it ever was), and it clearly requires a lot of energy and focus. However, I have recently seen in my practice with couples a tendency for the…

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Alcohol Use and Abuse

December 13, 2004

The latest numbers released by the National Institute of Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA) indicate that approximately 115 million people regularly ingest alcohol, which is defined as consuming alcohol at least once a month. The vast majority of those 115 million drink alcohol socially, and some occasionally will get intoxicated at a special event such…

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Focus on Discipline, and Love Yourself Through the Gradual Process of Change

May 3, 2004

Recently, my clients have been coming in and talking about not having the discipline to carry out some of the promises they’ve made to themselves: to diet, to exercise, to finish a project, to get their children to sleep at night. In my opinion, our contemporary culture is really lacking in discipline (see statistics on…

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Couples in Communication

September 26, 2003

Your greatest contribution to effective communication is clarity, focus, and non-defensiveness; your second greatest is support for your partner in providing the same. Here are some specific tips: 1. Take responsibility for yourself.  When you have an issue, speak up. Don’t expect your partner to guess or know what you like, want, feel, or need….

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