NICU Moms: Coping with Trauma & Finding Support
September is NICU Awareness Month, a time when NICU moms reflect on the emotional and mental toll of having a child in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU). Jamie Rose, MAC, LMFT, a Staff Therapist and Director of the MFT Postgraduate Certificate Program at Council for Relationships, shares her deeply personal experience as a NICU mom. After her son spent 99 days in the NICU, Jamie’s journey highlights the mental health challenges many NICU moms face and the importance of having a support system in place.
In this blog, Jamie tells her story and encourages other NICU moms to find strength in sharing their own experiences.
Jump Ahead
- NICU Moms & Mental Health
- The NICU Experience for NICU Moms
- The Unique Challenges Faced by NICU Moms
- Reaching Out for Support
NICU Moms & Mental Health
September is NICU Awareness Month. It also happens to be the month that my little one was born and whisked quickly away to the NICU, where he would stay for 99 days. It’s always around this time, over the last five years, when the weather turns a bit cooler, that I feel a sense of anxiety rising deeply within. It’s a reminder of a traumatic experience—it’s a reminder to tell the story that many NICU moms know all too well.
We had not believed we’d be able to have a child after over a dozen years of infertility. We were overjoyed and perplexed at the positive pregnancy test.
Apart from lots of morning sickness, the miraculous pregnancy was pretty uneventful until it wasn’t. Until I started to swell at around 27 weeks. My midwife quickly sent me to the hospital because my blood pressure was concerning.
We were told that day we would not leave until the baby was born. After a far too eventful week and having been diagnosed with extreme preeclampsia on hospital bed rest, I was whisked to the OR, having developed HELLP syndrome, for our little one to be delivered.
The NICU Experience for NICU Moms
My husband was not allowed in the OR, but he was able to go right to the NICU—watching a large team of doctors and nurses descend on our tiny, 2-pound baby boy—helping him to fight against the world he wasn’t ready to be introduced to.
We got a crash course in parenting a too-young baby. We couldn’t hold him but could apply pressure to his little limbs. I could take some breastmilk on a Q-tip to place on his lips. We talked to him through a little circular window.
The room’s sounds weren’t cooing babies or lullabies but beeping monitors and alarms. The smells weren’t of a newborn but instead of sanitizer. But it’s what we knew—it was where our little one was being kept alive. It was a miraculous place with rows of little miracles and rows of NICU moms and dads learning how to cope.
It was all so unexpected. We learned to sit in the loud room, talking to nurses and doctors about progress and setbacks. We learned how to read monitors. We learned how to leave our precious little one each night—checking in by phone with the night nurses—and rushing to return in the morning.
Once we could hold him, we would do the kangaroo hold, allowing him to feel our skin and be soothed by feeling his.
The Unique Challenges Faced by NICU Moms
The NICU isn’t a space most people expect to be. We met parents who had been prepped that they’d most likely be there. Most looked as surprised and baffled by the experience as we were. It’s a strange club that no one expects or wants to participate in.
It’s too long, even if your kiddo was whisked away for a one-day stay. Ninety-nine days was way too long. Some kids were there longer—too long for any NICU moms.
How did we get through it? We prayed a lot! We enlisted our community to pray, to join us on visits to the NICU, and to meet our baby in the celebratory ways we hoped would have happened at home.
We created a daily routine that helped bring some structure to the days. I had the privilege of not working during those days, but my husband could work from home or in the NICU. I would read books aloud and play music. On weekends, my husband would bring his laptop and watch sports, introducing his son to the things he loves, as a dear father does.
Support and Gratitude for NICU Nurses
Besides the little ones working so diligently to grow and strengthen, the other heroes in the room were the nurses! We would never have made it through those 99 days if not for those men and women who spent their days ensuring our boy strengthened and grew.
They held our tears, too—they encouraged and walked us through all the ups and downs. They helped us to navigate and normalize a horrific experience—and made us feel at home for the time we were there. They lent us their expertise so that we could feel confident to hold our baby, unnaturally attached to too many wires, or change his diaper without detaching said wires, something NICU moms often struggle with.
There is so much more I could write about those 99 days or the lessons learned from them. But I would like to just say this to the other NICU moms out there—wow. We have been through something. It is no joke, and as a therapist, I know how important it is to tell our stories and to let them be heard.
I hope that this month, you are able to pause and tell your story—that you can speak to your loved ones and/or your therapist—and tell the story. I know not all stories end with a healthy and rambunctious child—even still, and more importantly, I pray you can still tell the story—your story is a part of you, and it is worth telling.
Reaching Out for Support
Infertility, birth, and postpartum life are so complex, and we here at CFR have therapists who can walk with NICU moms to tell their stories. We are here for you. Reach out now.
About Philadelphia Therapist Jamie Rose
Jamie Rose, MAC, LMFT, is a Staff Therapist and Director of the MFT Postgraduate Certificate Program at Council for Relationships. As a NICU mom, Jamie brings professional expertise and personal experience to her work, supporting individuals, couples, and families through life’s challenges. Request an appointment with Jamie today.
Let CFR’s over 85 individual, couples, and family therapy experts help you manage painful emotions and other mental health conditions. Jamie and her colleagues are experienced in parenting, child mental health, and family support and provide compassionate care for families in need. See our Therapist & Psychiatrist Directory for CFR therapists or psychiatrists near you.
If this is an emergency, please call 911 or contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline by dialing 988.
More Expert Voices: Mental Health Blogs from Council for Relationships
CFR’s therapists, psychiatrists, and mental health experts offer valuable insights for NICU moms and families navigating life’s challenges. Visit the CFR Expert Voices blog for expert advice on managing mental health symptoms, supporting family dynamics, improving relationships, and more. Want to stay informed? Join our mailing list for the latest updates on mental health, parenting, and family wellness.
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