Grief During the Holidays & Beyond
“Happy Holidays!” doesn’t quite ring true for many who are grieving a serious loss at this time. The most obvious and painful loss is the death of a person you loved—and were not finished loving. There will be an empty chair at the table, one less person to light the Hanukkah candles, one less person to smile when receiving your gift, and one less beautiful voice when singing at church, synagogue, or in other rituals like caroling. Grief is difficult to navigate at any time of the year, but the holidays can be especially difficult.
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What Is Grief?
The best definition of grief that I’ve heard is “love unfinished,” highlighting that the one we loved is gone and can no longer receive the love we have to offer, at least in this human life.
There are many ways people experience this loss and many beliefs about it. Whether you believe there is an afterlife of the spirit, that the person lives on in our memories, or that there is some other explanation for the end of human life, the pain is very real.
Grief Tips & Facts
I come from a very large extended family, which has been a blessing. However, I have learned over the years that, inevitably, our family will experience many more losses. I wanted to share some tips and facts that can help with navigating grief, whether you have lost a family member recently or many years ago, or are grieving a friend who died too young, a marriage that ended too soon, or a romantic relationship that ended before it had the chance to mature into its future. Included are suggestions for those of you trying to help a family member or friend live through this difficult time.
There is not a “right” way to grieve.
Some people want to talk about their loved one out loud and often. Other people are more silent in their sadness. Some people seek out a grief group or grief counselor, while others prefer to share with friends or family members, or to read about grief and its many manifestations. Others may seem to ignore their loss, pushing through their days by working, keeping up with others, and trying to live life as before. It is important not to tell them what they should do.
If you are grieving in any of these or other ways, be aware that you may do so in your own way, and you may know best how you need to grieve. If others tell you how to do it, thank them for their caring thoughts. You may—or may not—want to explain, “I am just trying to do what I need to do.”
These “happy” holidays may create pressure to decorate, shop, or cook according to all the traditions you previously followed. Be assured that doing them will feel different, and not doing them will also feel different. You get to choose—to follow traditions, take a break, or experiment with new ones. Remember, there is “no right way” to grieve.
There is no timeline for grieving properly or fully.
Some people believe that seeing a loved one’s belongings or gazing at their pictures is an impediment to living life going forward. That belief represents a misguided notion that leaving the person behind is necessary and that constant reminders will interfere with healing. To the contrary, there is no roadmap to tell us what will work for one person and what might have a negative impact for another.
If you are worried about someone who seems to be “taking it hard” or “not moving on,” examine your own ideas about loss and where they may have originated. It can be helpful for a grieving person to receive care and concern from others without being asked—for example, food they like, help with housecleaning, or nonjudgmental expressions of care (“I am thinking of you and your loss”). However, this does not hold true for giving unsolicited advice. The best questions to ask might be, “Would you like some company?” “Shall we go for a walk?” or “May I call you tomorrow?” rather than sharing opinions about what might help.
Grieving is not a linear process.
If you think that your grief, or someone else’s, is “lasting too long,” it is important to know that grief is not linear and involves many feelings that can come and go without a noticeable pattern.
Many people say, “It comes over me in waves.” This is often true and means that a person’s well-being may be inconsistent. Some days they may appear “fine,” and on other days they may seem disheveled and tired. Accepting this is key for the grieving person, as it frees them from self-judgment and helps them resist unsolicited judgments from others.
Grieving takes energy, and sometimes courage.
Most people grieving a loved one feel tired for quite a while, or their energy and sense of health are unpredictable and transient. In addition, they may be forced to re-evaluate the relationship that has been lost and what their role in it was. Sometimes this reappraisal is insightful and freeing; at other times, it can be complex and burdensome. Be observant and supportive without expecting immediate changes.
Supporting a grieving person also takes energy and may not show immediate results.
It is important to stay the course and not become frustrated with yourself as a supporter if the grief does not lift. For many people, grief is a lifelong journey that eventually becomes one of many threads in the tapestry of their lives.
In the beginning, however, grief can seem to take over the entire landscape, and it is best to approach it “one day at a time,” and sometimes one hour or minute at a time. Both the person who is grieving and those trying to support them need to allow time for self-care as much as possible and realize that feelings of loss and sadness are often accompanied by feelings of guilt, anger, and frustration. If these feelings are noticed and accepted, they can be temporary. Only time will tell.
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About CFR Staff Therapist Michele M. Marsh, PhD
Michele M. Marsh, PhD, is a Staff Therapist at Council for Relationships who works with adults navigating grief, loss, life transitions, and relationship concerns. She brings a thoughtful, collaborative approach to therapy, helping clients make meaning of loss while honoring their unique emotional experiences. Dr. Marsh understands that grief rarely follows a straight line—especially during the holidays—and she creates space for clients to process sadness, memory, longing, and resilience at their own pace.
At CFR, Dr. Marsh works with individuals who may feel stuck, overwhelmed, or unsure how to carry grief forward while continuing to live fully. Her work supports clients in building self-understanding, strengthening coping strategies, and reconnecting with what feels grounding and sustaining.
If grief feels heavier this season, you don’t have to carry it alone. You can get matched with a CFR therapist like Dr. Marsh to receive compassionate, expert support tailored to where you are right now.
More from CFR’s Expert Therapists & Psychiatrists
Grief can surface in many forms—after the loss of a loved one, during major life changes, or in moments when the holidays highlight what feels missing. At Council for Relationships, we offer expert therapy and psychiatry services to support individuals, couples, and families navigating grief with care, understanding, and respect.
In addition to therapy, CFR shares trusted resources to help you feel supported beyond the therapy room. You can explore our blog for clinician-written insights on grief, relationships, and emotional well-being, and sign up for our newsletters to receive thoughtful guidance and updates directly in your inbox.
If you’re looking for support, CFR’s therapist-matching service can help connect you with a clinician who understands grief and can meet your needs—whether you’re seeking short-term support or longer-term care. We offer in-person and virtual appointments, as well as integrated psychiatry services when medication support is part of your care.
Grief deserves care, time, and compassion. We’re here when you’re ready.
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